New Year's Day Cthulhu (Welcome to 2022)

(Warning: This blog post does NOT contain hugs and sunshine)

 

Another day, another year. The Covid pandemic continues, the planet warms, political leaders (mostly) continue to be crappy, etc. Maybe it's time we just realize that it's all going to shit and the only thing that can "save" us is to bring forth the Lovecraftian cosmic deity, Cthulhu, to cleanse this earth of its mediocrity and evil.

Cue Metallica (and the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra) - The Call of Ktulu (Cthulhu) - and bring on the apocalypse!

Exclamation Points are Infiltrating this Blog!!!

!!!

Increasingly, as this blog continues to be written, there are recurring manifestations of exclamation points. Frequently, as evidenced in the last two blog posts, both the blog title and the blog entry will contain exclamation points. And, perhaps portentously, these exclamation points have often been appearing in threes.

According to Wikipedia, "the exclamation point or exclamation mark is a punctuation mark usually used after an interjection or exclamation to indicate strong feelings or high volume (shouting)".

The exclamation point, sometimes referred to as the Lion of Punctuation, is certainly the king of the (punctuation) jungle. It is the warrior of the writing world. When a battle cry is needed or a terribly important idea demands to be expressed emphatically, the exclamation point heeds the call. It also has a commanding presence in the other areas in which it is found - eg maths, signage, computing.

So, why do exclamation points keep showing up in this blog? What is their intention? What is it about this blog - at this point in time - that attracts them?

I suspect the answer lies in what I would describe as my current requirement for 'high volume' as a means to motivate myself. And I don't mean listening to Metallica turned up to 11 or shouting at the stars; though these approaches are not without merit. I think my natural inclination to inertia may be holding me back from things I would maybe like to be doing. At the very least, I think I'm spending a little too much time alone in my flat (actually Ms Willow Pussycat's flat - maybe she would like to have the flat to herself for a change!). It may be the case that some extra energy is needed to activate some action, and blogging with exclamation points may assist with this 'energy creation'.

Or else the end of the world is nigh, and the exclamation points - particularly when they appear in threes - serve to warn of this impending doom!

!!!

How I Have Happy and Safe Relationships

I invent a boyfriend. He's either completely made up or based on someone "real", maybe a character from a film or a television show or a novel. I've found it's safest not to base him on someone I actually know; therein lies confusion and heartbreak. Or it can be a real person, but someone I'm VERY unlikely to encounter in actual life and who (whom?), if I did encounter, probably wouldn't be as appealing to moi as he was prior to the encounter. (Jesus, that was a sentence you don't want to be reading everyday). I then attribute character/personality qualities to this person - qualities that I would find appealing in a boyfriend. For example, my current "boyfriend" is James from Metallica (see here for an example of my delusion). In reality, James is married with 3 children and lives in San Francisco (I live in Australia), he owns way too many cars and goes hunting (2 things I'm not so keen on), he also seems to have a Darwinian/Capitalist approach to life. In my fantasy I am able to completely overlook his Darwinian/Capitalist views, he has given up hunting due to the bad karma, he still owns too many cars but he doesn't drive them as often as he used to, and he still has 3 children but one of them is mine (WTF??). And I'm living in San Francisco, which is kind of fun.

Interesting, I seem to have incorporated quite a bit of real life into this imaginary relationship. Perhaps my mind is gradually moving towards a more reality based existence. Hmmm...not sure if this is a direction I want my mind to take.

One of the really great things about imaginary relationships is that if things start to go badly or we become bored with each other, there's no messy break-up. I can just stop fantasizing about him. Though, if I want to, I can imagine a break-up. It could be a "good" break-up, where no-one gets hurt; maybe we both meet other people at exactly the same time or, perhaps, we both want time alone. Or, if I'm feeling a little bitter and vindictive, I might imagine that he's miserable without me, even though he broke it off! Bastard! But it's all okay since no-one is actually hurt due to no-one actually existing (well, yes, I do exist but imaginary me exists only in my imagination - I think - and is usually a little altered from real me - whoever that is!). And, after the break-up, no-one gets stalked or harassed or runs into each other at parties (although I rarely go to parties) or weddings (sometimes I go to weddings) or the supermarket (I'm frequently at the supermarket).

I wonder if I my Imaginary Relationship technique could be incorporated into an Imaginary Workplace protocol and, by corollary, an Imaginary Income scheme.

How Long Has This Been Going On?

I'm currently obsessed with this photo of Metallica band members James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich:



I mean, seriously, does it not suggest something a little more intimate between James and Lars than just friendship? It's all there, especially in Lars' eyes (or is that just irritation from too much eyeliner?). Whatever be the truth, I have to admit to being quite taken by the idea that James and Lars may have made more than just music together.

The photo was taken during the Load album era (and, given that the album cover features an Andres Serrano photograph titled Semen and Blood III, which features these exact body fluids, I think it's safe to assume that one interpretation of the album title is that it refers to the first of these fluids). Some Metallica fans were not happy with this not-so-heavymetal album or with Metallica's not-so-heavymetal image during this period. Not me. I like them as Metal Cowboys:




Although I have some reservations about this photo:




Um...Metal Cowboys on Acid?

"HAPPY FUCKIN' BIRTHDAY NICOLE!!!"

Thanks, James!

With the Ending of January Comes the Beginning of "Metallica Moratorium"

[I suspect this will come as a great relief to my millions of readers who have had just about all they can handle of Metallica Madness.]

While my month-long obsession with heavy metal band Metallica has been fun (here, here and here), it's distracting me from the more quiet obsessions I would like to obsess about. So I'm going to (attempt to) limit the amount of time I spend either watching Metallica on youtube or listening to my 1 Metallica album (I'm contemplating buying a second Metallica album - go crazy - I'm not sure which one yet, probably Master of Puppets). AND I'm not going to mention Metallica anymore here on Effulgent13...unless it's something really important and/or interesting. But, before it all ends, here is a photo I really like of James Hetfield (on whom I seem to have developed a bit of a crush, despite not wanting to take him to a desert island with me):


and a photo of the lovely Kirk Hammett (whom I would take with me to a desert island), who is one of the few men in heavy metal who can get away with eyeliner:

Too Much Free Time

After watching quite a bit of footage of heavy metal band, Metallica, live on stage, I began to notice some things - interesting things (trust me). The band used the delightful expression "motherf**ker" quite a lot in their younger days (but then so did I, and possibly still do), the year of a performance can be determined by the state of James Hetfield's hair (both on his head and face) and by the number of his tattoos, Kirk Hammett doesn't appear to age. But the thing that really struck me was how movable they are on stage; they run all over the place, with their guitars (except for the drummer - although he certainly moves alot within (and without) the confines of his drum kit). So I started thinking: why don't their guitar cords get tangled? And then I realised, they don't have guitar cords. So how is the electrical guitar string vibration signal thingy reaching the amplifier? They must have some kind of transmission antenna setup somewhere, but where? Well, I did a little investigative investigating and I came across this photo of James Hetfield:



I suspect the "head-antenna" attachment is usually better camouflaged; this was the only photo I found in which it could be seen.

[Also, I offer no apologies to James Hetfield for rendering this photo of him adorable.]

The Atomic Symbol for Heavy Metal is...

...Metallica...

...which is a little difficult to squash onto the periodic table...



Yep, I'm still experiencing a latent obsession with heavy metal band Metallica. I've been re-watching the 2003 documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (which I watched about 3 years ago). This time I watched all the bonus material, then watched the documentary, and THEN watched the documentary 2 more times with the audio commentaries from the band and the film makers (Bruce Sinofsky and Joe Berlinger). AND THEN, just when I thought it was all over, I turned on the television to see what was showing on "Hot Docs" and...(you'll never guess)...it was...Metallica: Some Kind of Monster!!! So I started watching it, again, but after about 20 minutes I'd had enough.

So now I'm trying to get hold of an earlier Metallica documentary: A Year and a Half in the Life of Metallica. It's about the making of their most commerically successful album, Metallica (also known as "The Black Album"), which was recorded in 1990-91. It's also the only Metallica album I have. Some heavy metal fans feel this album was the beginning of a move away from "true" heavy metal for Metallica. As I haven't listened to any of their other albums, and I'm not a heavy metal fan, I feel completely qualified to dive into this heated debate and say this: "uh, dude, I like the pretty electric sitar at the beginning of 'Wherever I May Roam', it's really heavy", to which my imaginary heavy metal fan replies: "you crazy fucking hippy!". But seriously, anyone who believes Metallica have lost their edge obviously hasn't seen this photo:




As I couldn't find the 1991 documentary in either of the 2 stores I went into, I'm attempting to watch it in 10 minute installments on youtube (it runs for 4 hours and I have dial-up internet connection - I may not make it to the end). But, in the meantime, while I'm waiting for my downloads, I've invented an absorbing mind-game. I've called it: Which Member of Metallica Would You Take With You to a Desert Island? (I'm only choosing from band members from 1987 onwards). I've listed all band members in order of least likely to most likely:


Lars Ulrich (Drums):


Get the fuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk outta here (anyone who has watched the 2003 documentary will understand this). I could probably take him in small doses but that might be difficult to obtain when we're trapped together on a desert island.


Jason Newsted (Bass Guitar):


I don't really have a feel for him as there wasn't much footage of him in the 2003 documentary - he left the band before filming had really started. Still, I've kind of warmed to him.


Robert Trujillo (Bass Guitar):


I had a similar problem with Robert as I had with Jason - not very much footage. Nevertheless, what I did see of him I found to be very groovy. I definitely warmed to him.


James Hetfield (Lead Vocalist, Rhythm Guitar):


Despite the whole sensitive-new-age-red-neck-bad-boy-alpha-male thing he has working for him, I don't think James and I would find harmonious togetherness on a desert island. I think we have fundamental differences in our approach to existence. For example, James would want to seek mastery over the island's flora and fauna, especially the fauna (probably by hunting and killing it) - whereas I'd want to befriend the fauna, and I would find tranquility in the beauty of the grains of sand ("Crazy fucking hippy!", is what James would say to me).


So, of course, that leaves only one band member to accompany myself to a desert island...the one, the only, the most beautiful...


Kirk Hammett (Lead Guitar):


Where do I begin? Well, firstly, I like his hair and his brown eyes and his lovely smile:) But it's more that these surface qualities that have drawn me to Kirk (after all, an attractive appearance will only get you so far when it's just the 2 of you and an island covered in sand and palm trees and coconuts and exotic wildlife and, quite possibly, pirates). He's seems to be an introvert, he's interested in the occult/horror, he lives in a house full of skulls and bones and books and dogs and cats, he's a tiny bit goofy, he's a vegetarian and he's not egotistical - a list of qualities that I would look for in a desert island companion.

You'll Have to Speak up...

...I'm listening to METALLICA!!!

LOUDLY!!!

Music can soothe even the most savage of beasts, except when that music is heavy metal. Heavy metal seeks instead to enrage the savage beast.

Hidden deep in the murky, cloistered recesses of my being, somewhere near my pancreas, is a savage beast. Mostly she lies dormant, happy to be still, to pass the days in serene meditation and bodily fluids. However, every now and again, she needs some air. But she's not easily shifted, it takes a powerful energy to release her from her visceral home and get her moving.

Music is a powerful energy; melody and harmony can heighten tepid emotions, energize and inspire. But melody and harmony alone are not enough to lift my savage beast (whom I've named Stella) from her inertial existence. For this, Stella requires an electrified onslaught of maximum voltage, reverberating through jarring steel, pumped into bands of distortion, and imbued with a primal scream!...

...Stella is awake now...

...and she's hungry...

...and enraged...

...but first she needs a cup of tea and probably a chocolate wheaten biscuit...

...then she'll go out hunting...

...for the Sandman...

...the very same from Enter Sandman by Metallica. And the ever reliable youtube has some awesome Metallica footage, including that which I've embedded below (from the Monsters of Rock concert in Moscow, 1991):

[Things to note in video: helicopters, Red Army, flags, band members hair (why do heavy metal musicians always have curly hair?), unrestrained masculinity.]

[Also, I don't know what the music is at the beginning but it's pretty groovy.]

[Also, also...it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet and in your HEAD!!!]



Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep If I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take...


[Update (11th Jan 2010): I now have exciting new knowledge regarding the music at the beginning of the Metallica clip. It is called "The Ecstasy of Gold" by Ennio Morricone, a part of his score for the film "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly". The piece has been used by Metallica since 1983 as introductory music to their concerts. I also have exciting new knowledge regarding the helicopters in the clip. The concert took place at an airfield! Those guys will play anywhere.]