On the 1 Year Anniversary of Willow's Final Purr

It's been a year since my lovely Ms Willow Pussycat left this mortal coil and transformed into a spirit-feline (the true and most powerful form of kitty kats). I'm still finding fur and cat claws in my/our abode and, occasionally, I can hear a faint meow. So it is clear to me that Ms Willow is still lingering, which is comforting.

I will likely get another earth-bound cat one day, but for the moment I'm content just to have spirit-Willow. I can't take anymore photos of Ms Willow but that won't stop me uploading existing photos:

Vale Ms Willow Pussycat

1st December 1998 - 21st July 2020

(21 years 8 months)

You have been my furry buddy for the past twenty and a half years. It has been the most biggest joy to be your companion animal and your servant.You have brought me much comfort and solace over the years; during the ordinariness of each passing day and especially during my times of existential crises.

It was a privilege to be a crazy cat lady with you.

Rest in peace, my beautiful.

The Secret to Cat Longevity is The Cat-Heater Hybrid

As the middle of winter approaches, the necessity for a winter-themed photo increases. Thankfully, I have just such a photo handy.
Here is my cat, Ms Willow Pussycat, managing to not burn herself whilst trying to fuse with the heater:

Willow is 20.5 years old and refuses to die. She is a lovely housemate (I've had her for 19.5 years), though in recent times, she has taken to peeing in the corridor instead of in the litter tray - so I've had to line the corridor with garbage bags. Still, she seems mostly happy and reasonably healthy, and occasionally she will pee in the litter tray. I appreciate that this is not ideal and that once a cat starts not using the litter tray properly, it might be time for kitty to go to cat-heaven. However, I don't think she's actually incontinent, I suspect that her older bones find the litter tray a bit cramped so she prefers to go in the corridor (thankfully, she hasn't chosen to prefer the kitchen or my bed). I'm not sure I'm okay with sending her to the afterlife for the crime of wrongly placed pee (unless she starts peeing on me, then we're going to have a problem - only I'm allowed to pee on me).

Obligatory Snuggly Winter Photo

Ms Willow sleeping in Dad's old jumper:

 

As You Wish, My Master.

Last night Ms Willow Pussycat jumped on top of the answering machine and erased the greeting message. I was surprised, as I had thought she was okay with the message, given that I'd included her in the message and put her name before my name, ie:

"You've reached WILLOW...and Nicole's answering machine. Please leave a message."

I now realize my unforgivable, and extremely egregious, foolishness. I have re-recorded a new message, one which better reflects the truth:

"You have reached the answering machine of the great and powerful WILLOW...and her imbecile servant, Nicole. Do not deign to leave a message unless you are someone of immense significance. Now leave me to my nap."

The Path to Serenity is Paved With Rectangular Vessels

There are few things that bring me as much existential joy as having my tights/leggings/stockings drawer completely full:

Meanwhile, Ms Willow finds inner peace sleeping in my documents container (who knew envelopes could be so comfy):

Willow vs The Computer

"How does this infernal contraption work? Perhaps if I just keep staring at it, the cat videos will appear."

Fake Blog Post for June

Blogging doesn't seem to be happening this month, as witnessed by the absence of June blog posts. So I'm posting this fake blog post instead. Sure, I may be calling this too early, given that there is still another week and a half of June to go, but I sense a definite inability of my ability to finish a blog post (I have, in fact, been able to start blog posts, as evidenced by the plethora (two) of partially written blog posts sitting in my drafts folder, but completion of these posts remains wanting). I will also be needing to direct my energies - mental, physical, spiritual, gravitational - to attending to the upcoming Winter Solstice and its requisite celebrations; ie alcohol drinking, sugar/lard consumption, dvd-a-thon. (Winter Solstice celebrating necessarily takes place indoors as it's too cold and too dark to be going outside - naked pagan dancing beneath the moonlight is for Summer Solstice, and Stonehenge, and somewhere away from where anyone can see me). So, it does seem, on balance, that a PROPER June blog post is unlikely to occur. However, that this is a FAKE blog post doesn't mean that there can't be a photo of Ms Willow Pussycat (sitting on her car):

Haunted Rocking Chair

After a lifetime (so far) of viewing horror movies and reading horror stories, I have come to believe that rocking chairs have an inherent metaphysical tendency. As such, rocking chairs are extremely susceptible to being both possessed, and sat upon, by ghostly entities and other spectral beings.

I think there are 3 main reasons rocking chairs lend themselves to such eerie paranormality:
1. They have a propensity to rock unaided
2. They have a ye olde aura
3. They were invented by demons (not verified)

Given all this, it would seem a reasonable thing for a person who didn't want to be haunted to not keep a rocking chair in her home. Not me! Behold my rocking chair (with spooky apparition sitting upon it):

Mostly my rocking chair is quite dormant and will only rock when an obvious force is acting upon it, e.g. my sitting on it. But lately, and after having watched quite a few spooky movies and TV shows in the last couple of months, it appears to me that my rocking chair may, in fact, be sentient. Sometimes, when my back is turned, I can sense that the chair is rocking - or even creeping towards me - but when I look over my shoulder, it is still and in its original position. So I cannot be positive that my rocking chair is actually haunted, unless the chair does something overtly supernatural or I get a psychic to come over and evaluate the chair.

In situations as dire as this, I feel it is best to err on the side of caution. Hence, I have decided to assume that my rocking chair is, indeed, haunted, and so I have taken necessary action to prevent the occurrence of any otherworldly rocking chair shenanigans:

Willow in Red

Not to be confused with the Lady in Red (the one dancing cheek-to-cheek with the highlights in her hair that catch her eyes...not that the highlights in Willow's fur don't also catch her eyes):

Up close:

Willow prefers to be naked rather than wearing constrictive clothing (of any colour), and she finds dancing to be undignified, especially when it's cheek-to-cheek, which is a little unhygienic.

Special blog post note: Most of this blog entry only makes sense if one has both listened to, and been creeped out by, the song Lady in Red by Chris de Burgh. However, in defence of Chris de Burgh, his other song, Don't Pay the Ferryman (don't even fix a price...until he gets you to the other side!...aaah aaaah, ah aaaaah...), is awesome.

PS: Yes, I know Chris de Burgh has more than 2 songs, but since I don't know any of his other songs, they don't count.

Operation Sneaky Gardening Has Been Successful!

Mission: To get front tenant to park her car fully into her car parking space such that the back of her car doesn't protrude into the driveway and thus reduce or obstruct my ability to get my car into and out of the driveway.

This task needed to be achieved without recourse to speaking to front tenant as front tenant is stark raving bonkers (ProTip: sleeping in is not a sufficient reason for not moving your car when you have parked in behind me). So, not wanting to ever have to interact again with front tenant as long as we both shall live, but needing to get her to move her car approximately half a foot further into her parking space, I was faced with a somewhat dastardly dilemma. One option was to put a note into her mailbox politely explaining the car protrusion issue, but if this note happened to catch her on a bad day, it might provoke her into yelling (again) at me through my door (previous yelling was because I wouldn't let her park behind me in the driveway). Another option was to reverse wildly out of the driveway and bang my car into her car and maybe she'd take the hint - I'm not so concerned about damage to my car, which is 25 years old and starting to rust, whereas she seems to be proud of her much newer, unmarked, car. But, of course, this ran the very high risk of inciting her into a not yet seen manic (and possibly violent) manifestation of her potty person persona.

It eventually became clear to me that this problem was going to require an 'outside the box' solution. Firstly, I needed to get into the mindset of front tenant to try to ascertain what was motivating her to not drive HALF A FUCKING FOOT further into her parking spot. And, secondly, if I were able to 'know thy enemy', what tools did I have at my disposal to achieve a solution.

Upon closer inspection of front tenant's parking spot I noticed something pertinent, even shocking; there was quite a bit of vegetation growing wildly into the parking space. Perhaps front tenant was averse to parking her car on top of plant. Perhaps front tenant actually had a sensible reason for (yet another) obstruction of the driveway. Well, this seemed like a demon I could battle (and win) because, as it turns out, I have gardening tools (and the permission of the Landlord - actually the Landlord's wife - to do gardening). I could clear away the vegetation, and maybe this would coax front tenant's car further into the parking space.

And so Operation Sneaky Gardening was conceived. And a frenzy of gardening did ensue. I gardened my heart out (and, naturally, also put my back out) until that parking spot was bereft of plant. Observe the before and after photos:

the before:

and after:

It's like the parking spot has had an extreme makeover!
Here is a photo of the entire parking spot, showing its full splendour:

Here is a photo of my cat in a window ledge, showing her full splendour (possibly not entirely relevant):

So, after much toiling and lower back turmoil, I went inside and waited for front tenant to come home and park her car (my life is quite the adventure). And park her car she did: ALL THE WAY into the parking spot. Hurrah! And what makes this tale of driveway de-obstruction and wayward flora tamed even more wonderful, is that front tenant doesn't know it was me who cleared her parking spot - presumably she thinks it was the actual gardener - hah!

[Note: Due to frequency of blog posts dealing with front tenant induced driveway dramas, I have created a new Label: Driveway Drama (front tenant)].

TARDIS as TEAPOT

The TARDIS (as seen in Dr Who) possesses many extraordinary capabilities - time travel, space travel, sentience, telepathy, babel fish like language translation, wacky dimensional manipulations and distortions. But one of its lesser known (though tremendously important) capabilities, is its capacity to manifest as a teapot:

I wonder if the TARDIS teapot brews vastly greater quantities of tea than its exterior size would suggest.

A strange, feline induced, time-space-teapot-TARDIS paradox occurred:

Contemplative Kitty Lounging on Wooden Chair

Due to the rampant (and entirely justified) popularity of black and white photos of cats (start here, also here), this blog finds it necessary to include such a photo (see below). Note the masterful use of sunlight and shadow and chair (and cat). The unused power socket symbolizes disconnection.

[Model: Ms Willow]

Evaporative Cooler as Art

Now that the planet is on fire, due to global warming, I've had to obtain a cooling device more powerful than a fan. I've chosen an evaporative cooler:

Unfortunately, the evaporative cooler takes up some degree of space in my modestly sized flat, and it's not the most inspiring entity. Also, it's really only in use for about 2 weeks per year (though this time span may increase as global temperatures increase). So, rather than allowing the evaporative cooler to become an ongoing and intrusive eyesore in my living space, I've decided to turn it into an evocative and aesthetically pleasing art piece (note the chain-link feature, constructed from unused hair pins, which symbolically expresses the eternal existential angst of existence):

Ms Willow is quite moved:

Furry Bum

Sometimes Willow likes to face the wall (it's a cat-thing) (not that this 'explanation' makes it any less weird), which allows for a magnificently close-up view of her wondrously beautiful, and quite fluffy, posterior.

She seems a little displeased.

"Excuse me! Desist NOW from photographing my bottom, infantile human, or you will experience the full force of my feline fury."

Cat alliteration is the best alliteration.

I REFUSE TO GO OUTSIDE!

Willow is taking a foetal position against going outside (not that anyone was forcing her go outside - cat logic is a unique logic). She will be blocking the door until cats everywhere are free to stay inside! (Even if they want to go outside). Also, doormats will be folded at one corner to symbolize feline oppression. (I'm assuming either Willow or the house-poltergeist folded the mat, as it wasn't me).

The Bathroom as Feline Sanctuary

The bathroom is, of course, sanctuary for many human beings. But, during this asshole heatwave (planet earth is trying to kill us, and fair enough! - cos we're assholes), Ms Willow has also discovered the serenity, and coolness, of this tiled and porcelain temple.

However, it's a little disconcerting when I have to heed the call of nature.

Political Art

Art lovers, rejoice!
I have made a highly artistic and politically charged collage of all the pre-election campaign material I have received for tomorrow's glorious election:

Willow added her own interpretation:

Willow Wears the Computer. It Does Not Wear Willow.

Cats Sitting on Things (mostly clothes)

As has been previously observed (here, here and here) cats (ie Ms Willow) will often be found sitting on things/clothes. I have collected more data (ie photos) proving this conjecture.

Ms Willow sitting on clothes:

Ms Harriet (Ms Willow's predecessor) sitting on...clothes:

Ms Chircky (Ms Harriet's predecessor) sitting on...my high school homework (sitting on clothes was too common for Ms Chircky):