Almost Every Movement of the Human Body Involves the Lower Back

And the best way to obtain proof of this is to injure your lower back (not recommended!). And the only comfortable position in which to exist during this time is flat on your back until the pain has dissipated. But even then, any slight movement can set off a wave of angry neurons.

This is the second time I've had the "pleasure" of incapacitating lower back pain. Both times it's lasted about 2.5 days and there isn't much to do except lie on my back and listen to the radio - which is something I normally enjoy, but not when it's all I can do. I tried reading but my arms kept getting tired and I found it hard to concentrate. It might have been bearable if I'd had an 'easier' book to read. My current bookpile (which always includes Karamazov, which I ignored during my convalescence) aren't really 'page turners'.

But what's really making me cranky is that very little about me fits the profile of someone who would be susceptible to lower back pain, ie:

• male people (not me)
• overweight people (not me)
• pregnant people (not me)
• people who smoke (not me)
• stressed people (any sign of stress sends me sauntering leisurely in the opposite direction)
• people who don't exercise (not me, plus I don't over do the exercise)
• middle-aged people (barely)
• people with bad posture (I do sometimes slouch)
• people who do a job that requires long periods of sitting, lifting heavy objects, bending or twisting, repetitive motions or constant vibration, such as using a jackhammer (I believe if I tried to use a jackhammer, back pain would be the least of my problems)

(back pain information from here)

Robbing the Cradle?

So I was at this party...(crap! you never go to parties; was it an imaginary party?)...it was a REAL party, there was even a jumping castle...(a jumping castle? was this, perhaps, a kids party?)...it was the birthday party of an extremely cool one-year-old...(OK, OK, tell your story already)...I'm going to have to start again...

Recently, I was attending a 1st birthday party, where I was surrounded by an almost full spectrum of generations. There was the "in" crowd - the 0-10 year olds (the only ones allowed on the jumping castle), there was generation X (my generation) - mostly the parents of the "in" crowd, there were some token grandparents, and a couple of baby boomers. But there was also an appearance from a generation I've rarely, if ever, seen at one of these shindigs - generation Y. They were the children of the baby boomers and they'd come along hoping to have a turn on the jumping castle (to be honest, so had I). I ended up having an intelligent and flowing conversation with one of them, a male in his early 20's. I was surprised, as conversation with strangers is not one of my gifts, particularly of the intelligent and flowing variety (although I can certainly crap on with family and long-time friends). And I wouldn't have thought I'd have much to say to a young man (other than "will you turn down that racket, sunny!") and vice-versa. Clearly, I need to spend more time with males in their early 20's. Well, males in their early 20's who are studying Art History (as was this guy). And males in their early 20's who are intelligent (as was this guy). And who are mature for their age. And who are this guy. I guess it's possible not all males in their early 20's are like this guy.

And I know what you're thinking, you dirty-minded rudies. Yes, I did find him attractive. And yes, I am old enough to be his mother - his hip, young mother. And no, nothing untoward happened, nor did I want it to (mostly). (Also, I'm pretty sure "picking up" someone 20 years younger than yourself at a kids birthday party contravenes accepted decency standards and is possibly outlawed by the United Nations). I admit, though, that I did feel a little giggly at one point, but I quickly looked at the burgeoning varicose veins on the back of my hands, reminding myself of my maturing years, and I was able to keep it together.

There was probably a bit of "wanting to be young again" nostalgia going on. Or even wondering what it would've been like to do an Arts degree instead of a Science degree. Obviously there would have been less contact hours and more essays, and more hanging around the union building - although I did manage to get quite a bit of hanging around done between attending prac classes and, sometimes, during prac classes (chemistry experiments can take awhile, there's alot of hanging around time devoted to gazing at bubbling liquids and reflux condensers*). And I would've hung out with more Artsy people (I did know a few Arsty people in my 20's). And I probably would've dated Artsy boys instead of Sciencey/Engineeringy boys. I might not have fitted in though, when I was in my early 20's. I was kind of apathetic and insecure and unconfident. And I didn't really think about the world; politics or history or culture or society. I'd fit in better as I am now. And I'd probably get more out of it now.

The choices I made in my youth were right for me. I don't think I "missed out" on anything. I really enjoyed doing my Science degree, especially the last 2 years. And I went to lots of parties when I was young. Fun parties. Parties where you just showed up, drank, talked shit to whoever, danced (with or without music) and flirted (and sometimes more than flirted). And it was all OK. Now if I go to a party everyone is married, usually with children (there isn't anyone to flirt with). People still drink and talk shit though, but it's shit to which I can't really contribute, or don't want to - houses (I don't own a house and am not looking to own a house), career (I barely work), kids (nope). And everyone's stressed. Where has all the fun gone? Who took the fun? Bastard!

So I don't really want to be 20 again (although I'd happily have my 20-year-old skin again - I never had skin troubles until a few years ago; plus, I could pretend I was 20 and get invited to young people's parties and not look creepy). But I think it's good to hang with/talk with people of all age groups, as long as there's no creepiness.



*Reflux Condenser:




in action:





illegally in action (homebrew):

Existential Overload

Today is the first birthday of this blog. Happy Birthday Effulgent13!

And, on such a momentous occasion, I think it fitting, as a special treat to the millions of readers, from the four corners of the globe (or, at least, of this room), who devote so much of their precious time and energy to reading this ludicrous...erudite blog, to feature existentialism. And long-winded sentences.

I've just finished reading Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre (he was an existentialist God! - irony unavoidable). I have no idea what the novel was about and yet, it spoke to me. I, too, have experienced "the Nausea", pretty much since birth. So I've selected a couple of passages I like from the novel to reprint (retype?).

The first passage is taken from a section of the novel where the protagonist, Antoine Roquentin, has completely lost it (his brain coherence), and is freaked out by a tree:

"Admittedly a movement was something different from a tree. But it was still an absolute. A thing. My eyes never met anything but repletion. There were swarms of existences at the end of the branches, existences which constantly renewed themselves and were never born." pg190

(existential trees used to frighten me as well)

The second passage is primal; after all, humans are just glorified animals:

"I started to look through books on display in the second-hand boxes, and especially, the obscene ones, because, in spite of everything, that occupies your mind." pg 220

(guilty!)

I don't think I'll become an existentialist. Or not completely. I believe my (physical) existence in this world is real (I'm assuming there are vast numbers of other worlds/dimensions) and it has an effect. I need to tread with caution, one wrong step and this world could melt. Or I could melt. I'm not afraid of melting, of being consumed by objects. But I'm not ready to melt just yet, I want to stay solid for as long as possible, to see what happens. I hope there isn't too much pain or humiliation or loneliness; then I might want to melt. It'll probably be boring, but I'm OK with boring.

My "Dream" Job

A few nights ago, as I lay comfy in my bed, and pondered my many dissatisfactions with my life, I had a revelation. I need to find a job where I get paid to fall asleep and dream; it's something I'm really good at.

Another thing I'm really good at is being dissatisfied with things. I'm sure there's a company or department somewhere that urgently needs someone just to be grumpy. But I don't want to work too many hours, I need time off to stuff around (yet another thing I'm particularly good at).

I'm actually not that dissatisfied with my life. In fact, it's pretty good; having a comfy bed to sleep in every night is pretty fantastic. So is being able to eat whenever/whatever I want. And being safe and warm at night due to living in a comfy and secure flat. Although, as I live with a wild animal (Ms Willow Pussycat), there is always the possibility I could be mauled to death in my sleep. (I'm sure there have been instances of domestic cats killing their owners). But I think I'm safe as long as I keep feeding her and sitting in a position most amenable to her sprawling across my lap. Even if it means losing the blood circulation in either or both of my legs. Gangrene be damned!

Rarely am I bored

Due to my recent creation of the label "Bored Now", to go with my homage to Willow Rosenberg (fans of Buffy will understand the "Bored Now" reference), I've decided I need to write something else that can be filed under said label.

I find the notion of boredom interesting (surely that's an oxymoron). I think I have a reasonably high boredom threshold. I can spend hours by myself doing nothing and not feel "bored" - although when I say 'doing nothing', maybe stuffing around or daydreaming would be more accurate, which isn't exactly doing nothing. I've tried the Buddhist meditation technique of sitting still with an "empty" mind but I've not been very successful. But then I don't really believe it's something I need to do, in fact I'm not entirely sure why I tried it, perhaps to calm myself? But I can calm myself reasonably well, especially by stuffing around and daydreaming. I guess a thing can be boring if there's no motivation attached to it.

Times when I have felt bored are when I've been stuck in situations I'm unengaged with and from which I would like to remove myself, but cannot. Frustrated would be another useful word for such situations. If I have complete freedom I can always find something to engage me. But complete freedom comes at a cost. If, for example, I'm talking with/at someone (who I'll call Hieronymus) with unrelenting enthusiasm and verbosity about "The Brothers Karamazov", and Hieronymus isn't remotely interested (yeah, I know, it's unlikely that anyone would be uninterested in Karamazov, but it is a hypothetical situation) and is thus, incredibly bored, she has the FREEDOM to walk away and/or shout at me "For God's sake, will you stop talking about the fecking brothers Karamazov". Now, being that I'm very sensitive, I will mull over this for the rest of my life and, in all likelihood, never again talk to Hieronymus about "The Brothers Karamazov". And this would be a tragedy... for me, at least, probably not so much for Hieronymus. Uh...actually this probably wasn't a very good example, except to highlight that had Hieronymus acted in the expected and civilized way, endured her boredom and kept listening to me, even though her brain was beginning to cannibalize itself, there would not have been any shouting or bad language. AND Hieronymus might have learned something about an esoteric and antiquated topic, which may have been useful to her one day.

The workplace, of course, is a vast arena of potential boredom, and frustration, and anxiety - I seem to have gone slightly off topic. Although I think there are connections; being trapped with nothing to stimulate your mind can lead to unhealthy ruminations, which in turn can lead to anxiety. I guess the most likely workplace boredom scenario is being trapped doing a dull task. But "dull" is very subjective. There are some seemingly dull tasks that I quite like doing; I can't get enough of filling up the Gilson racks for purification (this will only make sense to people who work at my workplace or who have used a Gilson 215 liquid handler/injector automated system*), it soothes my obsessive-compulsive urges. My main workplace "boredom" is being trapped doing a task I can't do. "Trapped" seems to be a key theme running through this paragraph.

But the all-time, number one possibility for boredom is "social situations". It's fertile ground, for me anyway. I don't know if this is due to my being an introvert or that I have misanthropic tendencies - "misanthropic tendencies" sounds exciting (not at all boring!), certainly more exciting than "being an introvert". I think the problem is that I'm no longer motivated to be civil or engage in 'polite' conversation - which may explain why people don't invite me to parties anymore, and I don't always turn up when they do. I can usually cope in a social situation if I keep to the shadows and have an escape plan. But the one social situation for which there is no reprieve is a WEDDING. Nooooooooooooooooo! Literally stuck at a table with God-knows-who, forced to listen to drunken speeches and no possibility of escape until the bride and groom leave. Whoever invented weddings should be tortured - preferably at a wedding.

All in all, I think it's best for society that I've honed my hermit skills. And, potentially, these skills can benefit society (other than keeping my craziness out of the way). If society ever needs someone to be put into solitary confinement for an extended period of time, an introvert is the way to go. Or, if extroverts find themselves starting to be freaked out by the world (probably sometime in their mid-life), they can find solace by talking to an introvert (introverts tend to be good listeners). Plus, introverts have been freaked out by the world since birth, so we'll completely understand.


(I wonder if writing a boring blog entry about boredom is ironic?)



* Gilson 215 liquid handler/injector automated system: