Back in the Cave

In the last few months I've made a concerted effort to get out of my cave and connect with life. It's been fun and fulfilling. And energizing. Why...it was almost like being an extrovert. Hang on there pumpkin! Didn't all your school reports say "Nicole is a reserved student". (Well I couldn't get a word in over all the loud-mouthed extroverts, plus I was terrified my comments, and me, would be torn to shreds by the combative debaters in the class). Anyway, school reports are dumb. And I said almost like being an extrovert - it's OK to hop over the 'version' fence every now and then, for a visit - I'm still an introvert at heart.

However, my temporary extroversion didn't bring me everything for which I'd hoped. I have some lingering disappointment from one particular outing, but I was probably expecting too much from it anyway. And I'm a little 'unhappy' that a recent-ish acquaintance-maybe-friend has found himself a girlfriend. I guess I had taken some solace from being around someone who also wasn't in a relationship. But that's not the complete truth. The complete truth is that I kind of like him, you know, in a woman-man way. But he's alot younger than me, so I was concerned it might be more of a woman-boy thing. (And I'm no "cougar"* like Demi Moore or Tilda Swinton). Although, given that I'm somewhat young for my age (grey hair notwithstanding), he could well be exactly the right age for me. (However, I think there's something to be said about my current interactions with males these days being initially lust/love focused due to a prolonged absence of lust/love in my life - and, hence, maybe I overlook the joy of friendship.)

So, apart from a couple of not-so-positive encounters, my foray into sociability has gone pretty well. But now I'm a little tired, I can feel a surreptitious weariness creeping into my being and I'm beginning to feel a little overwhelmed; I think I need to be cave-bound for awhile.


*Actually I'm a lynx


This is not me:





Or this:





This one, well, perhaps: