Words as Daggers

During the week I had a verbal exchange with a work colleague. Here is what was said:

Work colleague (referring to the busyness of work): "I'm getting too old for this."
Nicole: "You're getting too old for a lot of things."

Bullseye! It was a low punch, but allowed. It was a technical knockout - he was standing, but he was out. And the comment was made when he had his back to me - making for extra, Brutus-like, deviousness.

But now there will be retribution. Vengeance is his. And it will be delivered cold. It might be weeks, even months. I won't see it coming. But it will come. I'll have to keep my guard up at all times, but I know this is impossible. All it takes is a moment of distraction. Then the fatal strike. There will be no mercy. I will be toast.

Tryptophan

My work days are spent surrounded by peptides, which are mostly a white powder (unless they’ve got a fluorescent group attached – then they’re an orange or red powder – pretty, but annoying, especially the red group; it gets onto, and into, everything). Peptides, which are basically short, linear proteins, are made from amino acids joined together (somewhere between 10 and 20 amino acids makes for a good length). Having worked for a long time in the peptide-making business, I’ve come to know the peptides and amino acids – their hopes and dreams, their illicit desires. Some are easy to work with, you can treat them roughly, throw them around the lab, leave them in the sun – they’re fine. Others fall apart if you so much as look at them the wrong way. I’m not going to name names, for fear an amino acid might learn to read, get access to the internet and find my blog – biochemistry hath no fury like an amino acid scorned.

An amino acid I’m quite fond of is tryptophan. Some of the foods it is found in are milk, eggs, peanuts, bananas and chocolate - which are all things I like to eat. Among its many biochemical actions in the body is its role in promoting sleep (mainly via melatonin) – which is an ‘activity’ I enjoy. It is a chemical precursor for my favourite neurotransmitter, serotonin. Another reason I’m fond of tryptophan is that its side chain group contains indole; I worked with an indole-derived moiety for my honours project, so there is some nostalgia associated with it…(this last sentence may not make sense to anyone who hasn’t studied Organic Chemistry…I make no apologies…a thorough and well-rounded education should include a course in Organic Chemistry, and watching all episodes of Buffy at least 3 times). And finally, I think tryptophan is best appreciated by studying its chemical structure:





And isn’t that indole group beautiful.

web link for chemical structure

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, I am FANTASTIC, Happy Birthday to me.

Well…I’m okay; at least I’m not a crazed serial killer, like some people I know. At approximately 11:50pm I will become 41 – which is the new 40 and a half (although my mental age is significantly younger than this – about 38 and three quarters). I am ever thankful to my wonderful mother for birthing me on the 13th of February and not on the 14th (Valentine’s day). She/I got there just in time, and had I been born in Australia, instead of New York (“I want to wake up/be born in a city that never sleeps…”), it would have been Valentine’s Day. Creepy.

This birthday has been interesting. I had exactly one brother and one mother in hospital. Jesus! - what is wrong with you people - did you forget that it's my birthday. You couldn't wait until tomorrow. Hmmm. My brother is now out of hospital, recovered from his minor mishap. Unfortunately, my mother's illness is more serious, so she'll be in hospital for a bit.

For next year's birthday I would like for exactly no family members to be in hospital.

Inferno

The Bureau of Meteorology is saying, due to climate change, we can expect more extreme heatwaves like the one south-eastern Australia experienced last week - temperatures will be approximately 2 degrees hotter overall - 40ºC will become the new 38ºC - and there will be more days over 38ºC. Apparently, we're just going to have to get used to it. Bite my overheated arse! Here's a crazy idea: stop pouring greenhouse gases into the atmosphere and we'll cool down. I will never accept 37ºC as a "cool change".

Going to Work

Now that I’m back at work I need some kind of motivation to keep me going there - other than the threat of being fired or having no income – which are certainly persuasive motivations - but when my inertia and apathy levels are high enough, it’s possible not even disgrace or poverty will get me going.

I need to investigate other options. In the past I’ve found cognitive therapy (the glass is half-full not half-empty, so get over it!) to be very helpful when things got difficult. And when I say “cognitive therapy”, I don’t mean that I went and saw a specialist who has a qualification and has spent years training in this area and thus knows a lot of stuff which I don’t – no, no, no! I, Effulgent13, genius by my own proclamation, got some books on cognitive therapy from the library and read them. And thus I was cured. Well…thus I was more able to cope with things. I employed appropriate philosophies for dealing with various challenging situations. For example, if someone, who is very angry with me, is yelling at me, I deal with this by pretending they don’t exist (I believe it was Descartes who said: "You're yelling at me, therefore you don't exist"). Occasionally, with a particularly loud person, it’s necessary to block out sensory channels – closing my eyes, blocking my ears with my hands, even calling out “Mary had a little lamb” (go lambs) repeatedly until the yelling stops.

So, now what I need is a work philosophy (not to be confused with a work ethic, ‘cos that will never happen) in which I can believe. I need to “think” my way to work. Here is what I’ve come up with:

I like to think of ‘having to go to work’ as being very similar to ‘having to vomit’. Perhaps it seems an odd analogy, and a little yucky, but I think it’s the right one. Let me explain. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed feeling queasy, I realise, instinctively, that vomit is going to happen. I get a similar feeling when it’s time to go to work. There is nothing I can do to stop it. Maybe I try to dissuade the vomit ('work') from its expulsive trajectory using creative psychology and stomach control techniques. But these tactics are mostly futile because here it comes! So I have 2 options: I can either 1) get up and go to the bathroom (ie 'go to work') and deal with it, or 2) stay in bed (ie 'not go to work') and mess all over my pillow and pyjamas and sheets, and probably, any animals or humans with whom I share the bed.

I assume most (sensible) people would choose option 1, but it’s certainly possible there are some who would find option 2 more appealing – I haven’t completely ruled it out myself; what’s the harm in a little vomit anyway, it’ll dry.

So that’s it. That’s the philosophy I’m currently using to get me to go to work. Yep. My mastery of cognitive therapy is outstanding…effective… although…I have been pondering a slightly different tact…’going to work’ is like ‘going somewhere really fun and having the best time ever and eating ice-cream all day’…of course…too much ice-cream can make you queasy…

I apologize to anyone who was eating while reading this, and for my moroseness (which is not to be confused with ‘mooseness’). And, to make it all better, I offer this:

Jitterbug