The End of the Year is Nigh!

This year has been mostly calm (well, for me anyway – there’s been a lot of shit going on everywhere else…although, since I firmly believe that the rest of the world is a figment of my imagination, I guess it doesn’t matter…although it feels like it matters…what if the rest of the world IS real…this is too much to deal with right now…what was I saying?). The year…it has been pretty quiet...and safe. There were one or two moments of drama, but they were confronted, and made less dramatic. There were few extremes of high or low.

The ‘happiness’ experts say that an even flow of mood, with occasional highs and lows, is a healthy and realistic mental state. I tend to agree. I don’t expect life to be “oh happy day!!” everyday, or at all, really. Occasional elation is ok, you just gotta be careful it doesn’t become too expansive. Otherwise, the Karmic Masters, who live in an enormous purple castle, somewhere near the South Pole, will decree you’ve had TOO much joy and so must now be made to crawl agonizingly in the depths of misery. Bastards.

Physically, I’m good. I eat healthily, mostly. I could probably exercise more. I sleep a lot, which I seem to need to do, otherwise I become depressed.

I don’t have a job. An occupation. How will I know where I fit in societies’ hierarchy if I don’t have an occupational label? The occupation I had (which I had for a long time) was making me depressed. Last year, when I was working, my days were often barely bearable (not even alliteration could offer comfort). So I’m leaving occupations alone for the moment. I suspect that the occupation I’m properly suited to is something quite obscure, and, as such, may take a while to find. I’m keeping my eyes open, though, should our paths cross.

I probably spend a little too much time alone. Occasionally, my weird lonerness slips into loneliness.

Lurv…well…it has stoically avoided me for so long now that I’d probably need to climb on top of a meteorite and crash through Lurv’s ceiling to get it to notice me. Fucker.

Overall, I think I’m in a phase of moderate inertia, with intermittent bouts of momentum. I suspect I’ll be in this phase for a while longer, and to attempt to fight it may be detrimental: I think there’s a risk of going into a phase of total inertia with no momentum.

I Have Invented Another Reading Method

I’m calling it the Absorption method.

The Absorption Method shares some similarity with my other reading method invention, Random Reading (reading random passages at a time until one of them starts making sense; descibed in the Naked Lunch section), in that it requires a certain amount of ‘disconnectedness’ or ‘casual connectedness’ while reading a difficult text. I discovered this new method while reading Crime and Punishment (which could EASILY have been written using half the words - although, thankfully, Mr D's hypergraphia was not at the terrifying heights it reached during the writing of the Brothers K). I think the method works best with a novel which, while not being entirely incomprehensible, strongly encourages the reader’s brain to glaze over, with the possibility of subsequent unconsciousness.

The most important tenant of Absorption Reading (actually, the only tenant) is to ‘keep your eyes moving’. You need to keep your mind aware but not necessarily focused (too much focusing is a maximum danger time for brain-glaze to occur). As you move through the (seemingly endless) paragraphs, you will pick up random words. This should give you enough information to absorb the general thread of the narrative without having to read so much extraneous drivel. Periodically, you will need to go back over paragraphs/pages and read them properly – they main contain essential plot points, introductions of important characters, something interesting. As with any skill, practice brings proficiency. Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself upon the final page of your novel with no recollection of, well, the novel. Start slow; try a short but densely worded novel – maybe Heart of Darkness (which, after a couple of lacklustre attempts, I was finally able to read using the NORMAL reading method). The bookshelf is your oyster. One day, you may even find yourself holding open that most notorious of 'famous but unread' novels, Ulysses.

A word of caution, though. As effective as this reading method may seem, it is not a panacea. It will not render every intractable novel, readable. There are novels, evil novels, hidden in the deepest darkest corners of every bookstore and library, so mind boggling obscure and overwritten, that they will always be, at least for 99.9999% of humans, unreadable.

"I walk in shadows, searching for light..."

For all of us heart-weary souls feeling "...cold and alone, no comfort in sight", here is Jimmy Ruffin to ease some of the pain:

I Didn't Bleed for Nothing

Yeah!

Let me explain:

I was feeling very well on Tuesday afternoon, when I donated blood. On Tuesday night I started sneezing and felt tired (probably due to blood loss). Throughout Wednesday I continued sneezing and by Wednesday night I was knee deep in congestion, sore throat and infection by rhinovirus (common cold). Now, I'm not one to cower in the presence of a rhinovirus, terrifying though they may be (see below for illustrations), but I was feeling a little distressed. There there was the possibility that, if I had something more serious than a cold, the bloodbank would not be able to use my blood and it would have to be discarded. I was somewhat disheartened to think that I'd bled 470mL of my lovely blood for nothing. But, thankfully, when I rang the bloodbank on Thursday, the "medical person" ("I'll put you through to a Medical Person") I spoke to seemed to think my blood would be okay to use. Hurrah!!!

Background Information: After a person donates blood, they have to monitor their health for a week. To quote the bloodbank: Should you become aware of any reason why your blood should not be used for transfusion, please call us...In particular, if you develop a cough, cold, diarrhoea or other infection within a week after donating, please report it immediately. The Medical Person (I assume it was either a nurse or a doctor) I spoke to asked if I had a fever or diarrhoea and wanted to know when my symptoms had developed. It seemed as though the main issue was whether or not I had a fever and/or diarrhoea, which, I guess, could be indicative of a more serious infection that begins with cold-like symptoms. The bloodbank does routinely test donated blood for hepatitis B and C, HIV-1 and HIV-2, HTLV (I dunno what it is either), and syphilis (which I thought had been lost to time with the demise of pre-Enlightenment royalty), but I guess it's best to err on the side of caution, ie to have more people ringing the bloodbank for non-serious infections, than to have less people ringing in and potentially miss a serious infection.


Rhinovirus:



Adorable (and terrifying) Rhinovirus:

[Source: Handmade Gypsy]

Nothing is Real, Everything is Permitted*

I'm thinking about being reincarnated as an Assassin Bug:

*The Assassin Bug's Creed, apparently