I Have Invented Another Reading Method

I’m calling it the Absorption method.

The Absorption Method shares some similarity with my other reading method invention, Random Reading (reading random passages at a time until one of them starts making sense; descibed in the Naked Lunch section), in that it requires a certain amount of ‘disconnectedness’ or ‘casual connectedness’ while reading a difficult text. I discovered this new method while reading Crime and Punishment (which could EASILY have been written using half the words - although, thankfully, Mr D's hypergraphia was not at the terrifying heights it reached during the writing of the Brothers K). I think the method works best with a novel which, while not being entirely incomprehensible, strongly encourages the reader’s brain to glaze over, with the possibility of subsequent unconsciousness.

The most important tenant of Absorption Reading (actually, the only tenant) is to ‘keep your eyes moving’. You need to keep your mind aware but not necessarily focused (too much focusing is a maximum danger time for brain-glaze to occur). As you move through the (seemingly endless) paragraphs, you will pick up random words. This should give you enough information to absorb the general thread of the narrative without having to read so much extraneous drivel. Periodically, you will need to go back over paragraphs/pages and read them properly – they main contain essential plot points, introductions of important characters, something interesting. As with any skill, practice brings proficiency. Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself upon the final page of your novel with no recollection of, well, the novel. Start slow; try a short but densely worded novel – maybe Heart of Darkness (which, after a couple of lacklustre attempts, I was finally able to read using the NORMAL reading method). The bookshelf is your oyster. One day, you may even find yourself holding open that most notorious of 'famous but unread' novels, Ulysses.

A word of caution, though. As effective as this reading method may seem, it is not a panacea. It will not render every intractable novel, readable. There are novels, evil novels, hidden in the deepest darkest corners of every bookstore and library, so mind boggling obscure and overwritten, that they will always be, at least for 99.9999% of humans, unreadable.