Negative Thinking Will Be Corrected

Here are some thoughts I have when depression is giving me one of it's special cuddles:

• I feel numb



• I have no passion



• I can’t seem to get even vaguely enthusiastic about anything



• I only have enough energy for basic self-maintenance (eg. feeding and washing myself) - with the caveat that any self-maintenance occurs only AFTER I've fed Ms Willow Pussycat



• I can’t commit to an occupation



• I can't commit to anything



• I struggle to connect with people



• Often, people freak me out



• Often, I freak me out



• Sometimes, I think I was made wrong



• I feel inadequate – I wish I were more adequate



• I often believe I repel people



• I feel most comfortable being alone…but I feel lonely

I wrote down this list a few weeks ago when, obviously, I was feeling kind of down. But, after writing it, I felt a lot better. And, reading it now, I disagree with most of it (except for the part where I freak me out – but that will never change, it’s just something I’ve learned to live with). It's a list of skewed perspectives, thoughts without realistic context. Basically, there's a whole lotta "glass half empty" going on in this list.

I’m putting the list on my blog so that I can refer to it next time depressive, negative thinking tries to get it's sleazy arms around me. My belief is that, by writing down, and then reading (and, especially, mulling over), these thoughts, I can diminish their power to make me feel bad. Consider, for example, the thought: "I often believe I repel people" - is this really such a bad thing? If I repel certain people, then they'll probably avoid me, sure. But, if these are people who, conversely, I'm repelled by, then I'll be actively avoiding them. Such mutual avoidance will increase the probability that we never interact with each other! An excellent result all-round. I think my whole "do I repel people" issue is only an issue when it involves people I don't want to repel. And I have a strong suspicion that I've been quite confused for quite awhile in some of my choices of people I "don't" want to repel - ie wanting to be liked by people who I don't actually have a connection with and probably wouldn't want to spend very much time with anyway......This paragraph seems to be veering into convoluted and unwieldy territory, hence I am now going to abandon it......

......In fact, this entire blog entry is beginning to delve into a den of rambling, to wallow in a cesspool of incoherent. I can feel my grasp of the succinct and pithy (try saying that with a lisp) slipping away from me......yep, there they go......byeeeeeee......