Karamazov Count: Page 200

I’ve now read 22% of "The Brothers Karamazov" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. I'm becoming quite involved in the lives of those wacky Karamazov brothers (Dmitry, Ivan and Alyosha), and their obnoxious, lecherous, boozy father. It's a little tense at times. On page 160, the oldest brother knocked the crap out of papa Karamazov - they're both hot for the same woman (of course, being lecherous, papa Karamazov is hot for ALL women). But the story-telling is a little too slow at times. I'm noticing a definite over-meandering of words, a distinct inability, by Mr Dostoyevsky, to GET TO THE POINT.

But I will persevere. In fact I’m feeling extra motivated at the moment having been visited, last night, by the ghost of Dostoyevsky. We talked well into the night - he doesn't lack for words. It was a little unsettling though (my cat kept running through him, then meowing accusingly at me!). I wondered how I was able to understand him – perhaps my Russian is improving. He agreed with me that some of the events in the novel seem to take a long while to unfold (eg. 80 pages for one meeting!). But he explained that the slow pace and obsessive attention to detail are all part of the Karamazov Experience. He wasn’t too happy about my 2-pages-per-day reading technique. “Karamazov,” he ranted, “must be read as one, no intermissions! You children of the 20th century are weak and lazy. You are slaves to the infernal internet and the soul-eating television. There must be revolution!” Then he waffled on about how, when he was alive, he was nearly shot by a firing squad before being sent to a labour camp in Siberia, because he stood up for his principles. Bloody do-gooder.

Towards the end of the visitation, he showed me two possible futures: one where I don’t finish reading Karamazov and one where I do. It was very interesting. Apparently, if I don’t finish Karamazov, within the next 2 years, all of Dostoyevsky’s works will spontaneously combust, and all knowledge of him will disappear from the world. But if I do finish Karamazov, within the next 2 years, the ghost of Dostoyevsky won’t come back to haunt and torment me for the rest of my living days. (I’m beginning to suspect this was some kind of thinly veiled threat.)

In case anyone wonders how unnerving being visited by the ghost of Fyodor Dostoyevsky is, here is a photo of the crazy fucker…I mean, brilliant writer:




That is one spectacular beard. I have to admit to a little beard-envy. If I were a man I’d definitely grow a massive beard, at least once in my life. I do have one whisker though, which grows on the lower left side of my chin. But this whisker is really due to my kooky, pre-menopausal hormones, rather than any conscious effort on my part. I don’t know if many women have successfully grown beards. But some have tried. Read here about the valiant attempt of one woman to grow a beard.