Lying about Sex

That got your attention.

Many, many, many, many, many years ago there was a man I quite liked (actually, there have been many men that I quite liked, but that’s not important now). The man – let’s call him ‘liar, liar, pants on fire’ or LLPOF for short – and I went out on 2 dates. We did not have sex. There was some smooching. There was some groping: all above the waist. Lower garments remained in place and intact. It’s possible, more than likely, we would have engaged in the wild-thing had we continued seeing each other. But he ended it. Hence the not having of the sex.

About a year later I was at a party talking to a friend of LLPOF. The friend informed me that he knew LLPOF and I had had sex. Interesting. I didn’t know what the appropriate response was in this situation. Obviously I could have refuted the claim, set the record straight. I didn’t. I didn’t say anything; I was somewhat dumbstruck. A part of me thought: “I had been intending to have sex with him, I’d thought about it – maybe that counts?”. But there was something else. Without going into detail, I’d gotten the impression that LLPOF had some sexual dysfunction, and that, perhaps, this may have been a contributing factor to the non-sex that occurred between us. I think this was the main reason I kept quiet. I assumed that LLPOF wouldn't want people to know about his problem penis – and people might have found out if I’d gone into further details with his friend about my encounters with LLPOF.

However, none of this excuses LLPOF. He still lied, possibly boasted, to his friend about imagined sexual activity, as some men do (some women do to but it’s not in the same league). I guess it’s the human male equivalent of locking horns – trying to show superior virility.

I wasn’t angry with LLPOF though; in the end it didn’t bother me if people believed we’d had sex. I’ve never spoken to him about it (I haven’t seen him in a long time). I think my main reaction was surprise, slight shock, and then intrigue. He wasn’t an alpha male, he was kind of nerdy and quiet – not the type you’d imagine leading the “I’ve had more sex than you” boys-only conversation. I wondered if he’d lied by omission. Rather than saying outright “Nicole and I, we did it”, he may have said: “Nicole and I, we went out a couple of times”, then his friend would have asked: “Did anything happen?” (or the boy-talk equivalent of this), to which LLPOF would have replied: “A gentleman never tells”, accompanied by appropriate eye movements. Seriously, it’s the kind of thing this guy would have said – this is why I thought he was so cute.

I’m going to end this blog entry with some sage advice to all the confused young men out there, wandering in the wilderness of love – don’t listen to the crap other men tell you when you’re in a big, drunken group. And don’t spend so much time on the internet reading my blog, go and meet some women your own age.