A Christmas Carol

It’s Christmas Eve. I won’t be attending midnight mass, which isn’t that surprising, since I never attend midnight mass. Tomorrow, being December 25th, is one of the few calendar days which annoy me. Another is my birthday…just kidding, I love my birthday; a whole day devoted to me. Yeah! And I find Good Friday a strange day; not quite annoying, though. I once worked on a Good Friday and the whole day I had a creepy feeling, like I shouldn’t have been there…probably being the only person in the building didn’t help. And being virtually the only car on the road driving to and from work.

So I thought I would clarify my anti-Christmas sentiments. I’ve made a “Reasons Christmas annoys me” list:

• Forced consumerism
• Buying presents for people you only see at Christmas
• Religious holiday - when some of us aren't religious, or are lapsed Christians, or aren't even Christian (lapsed or otherwise)
• Expectation of goodwill from/to others; should we only expect this at Christmas?
• Families having to get together when maybe they shouldn't
• Increased domestic violence
• Increased road toll
• Meaningless rituals
• Shutting down and cleaning the laboratory when it's only going to be closed for a week and a half...

I think Christmas works better for adults who have children. They become infected by their children’s excitement – hmmm, “infected”. If I’d had children, though, I would have tried to keep them away from the Christmas onslaught. But it would have been difficult. And I don’t know how happy I’d be for my children (who I would have named Carbon and Fluorine, after my favourite periodic table elements) to be known as the weird kids who don’t celebrate Christmas. Perhaps it’s easier to just fit in, especially in childhood – even if it’s wrong.

For the record, I think Christmas rituals should include a day of complete silence, followed, at midnight, by loud screaming, preferably outside, and under a full moon. And if it’s a warm night, the screaming should be performed naked, or at least without shoes – although this may only be realistic for those in the southern hemisphere, or who live near the equator.