Jean-Luc Godard...You Wacky Funster!

I’ve just finished watching the surrealist-absurdist-dystopian-scifi-noir film Alphaville (directed by avant-garde director Jean-Luc Godard). It wasn’t as off-the-charts weird as I'd expected, or indeed, as some films I’ve seen (Eat, For This Is My Body I’m looking at YOU). I found the narrative to be reasonably coherent, the characters to be only moderately bizarre, the political subversion to be a mix of text and sub-text and the dialogue to contain an even handed amount of abstraction (much like this blog). I'm not opposed to a certain amount of incomprehensibility in film or literature, but if I can't understand anything, then I get bored.

I think one of the main features of Alphaville is the dialogue; the ideas and themes contained within its exchanges are rich and textured. One such exchange is that where the alarmingly named, secret agent protagonist, Lemmy Caution, is interrogated by Alpha 5 (described as being one of the 1.4 billion nerve centres that form Alpha 60; aka a flashing light with a disturbingly croaky voice). I've transcribed the interaction below:

Alpha 5: What is your name?
Lemmy Caution: Ivan Johnson.
Alpha 5: Where were you born?
LC: In New York.
Alpha 5: How old are you?
LC: I don’t know, 45?
Alpha 5: What kind of car do you drive?
LC: Ford Galaxy.
Alpha 5: What do you love most of all?
LC: Gold and women.
Alpha 5: What are you doing in Alphaville?
LC: An article for Figaro-Pravada.
Alpha 5: You seem to be afraid.
LC: I’m not afraid. At least, not in the way you think. Besides, you wouldn’t understand.
Alpha 5: Rest assured that my decisions always keep in mind the ultimate good.
LC: *nods*
Alpha 5: I shall now ask you some test questions as a security measure.
LC: Go ahead.
Alpha 5: You are from the outer countries. What did you feel as you travelled through galactic space?
LC: The silence of infinite space…frightened me.
Alpha 5: What is the privilege of the dead?
LC: To die no more.
Alpha 5: Do you know what turns darkness into light?
LC: Poetry.
Alpha 5: What is your religion?
LC: I believe in the spontaneity of our conscience.
Alpha 5: Do you draw any distinction between the mysterious principles of knowledge and those of love?
LC: I do not believe there is any mystery in love.
Alpha 5: You are not telling the truth.
LC: I don’t understand.
Alpha 5: You are hiding something.
LC: I may have good reason to lie, but how do you distinguish between a lie and the truth?
Alpha 5: You are hiding something. But I don’t know exactly what yet. So, for the time being, you are free. I would like you to go to our control centre.

Afterwards, Lemmy Caution is told that his answers are “difficult, sometimes impossible, to register” and that, because of this, Lemmy is of above average intelligence.

Well, I was so impressed by Alpha 5’s ability to assess a person’s intelligence, I decided to allow myself to be interrogated. Here is the result:

Alpha 5: What is your name?
Me: Effulgent13.
Alpha 5: Where were you born?
Me: In New York.
Alpha 5: How old are you?
Me: Do you mean my biological age or my mental age?
Alpha 5: What kind of car do you drive?
Me: Holden Camira.
Alpha 5: What do you love most of all?
Me: Chocolate and sleep.
Alpha 5: What are you doing in Alphaville?
Me: Looking for love.
Alpha 5: You seem to be afraid.
Me: I’m shittin' my pants, but not in the way you think.
Alpha 5: Rest assured that my decisions always keep in mind the ultimate good.
Me: *looks sceptical*
Alpha 5: I shall now ask you some test questions as a security measure.
Me: Knock yourself out.
Alpha 5: You are from the outer countries. What did you feel as you travelled through galactic space?
Me: Nausea…infinite nausea.
Alpha 5: What is the privilege of the dead?
Me: To pay taxes no more.
Alpha 5: Do you know what turns darkness into light?
Me: Kittens.
Alpha 5: What is your religion?
Me: I believe I am the Messiah.
Alpha 5: Do you draw any distinction between the mysterious principles of knowledge and those of love?
Me: Huh?
Alpha 5: You are not telling the truth.
Me: I honestly don’t understand what the hell you’re asking me.
Alpha 5: You are hiding something.
Me: I’m hiding many things.
Alpha 5: You are hiding something. But I don’t know exactly what yet. So, for the time being, you are free. I would like you to go to our control centre.
Me: Will there be cake?
Alpha 5: Don’t try my patience, insignificant human.
Me: *hangs head*

Clearly, I possess genius level intelligence.