Poo-Patrol

(Warning: probably too much information)

Today I went on poo-patrol. This is an exhilarating event, occurring about every 3 months, whereby I collect cat-poo deposited by Ms Willow Pussycat, from my shared garden. Since cat-poo degrades at a very slow pace and there is a limited amount of dirt in the garden, the poo builds up. Willow usually does her pooing in the dirt just outside my flat but when this area fills up, she moves to the dirt outside my neighbours flats, which they might not be happy about - so I need to be vigilant.

An ideal poo-patrol occurs during autumn or spring, the weather isn't too hot or cold, and the poo is a good consistency - not too wet or dry. An added bonus is when none of my neighbours come outside to chat; for it is very difficult to maintain neighbourly affability carrying a bag full of stinky poo. The worst (or possibly best) case scenario would be if the nice fellow from flat number 1 (who I have hot-pants for but who is married) came outside. I might panic and have to run back inside, accidentally dropping my poo bag, which he would pick up and return to me. And then we'd fall in love. (And, as all this falling in love across the poo bag was happening, it would be revealed that his wife was having an affair and was going to leave him - I don't like to be a home wrecker in my romantic fantasies, although I don't mind being a bunny-boiler).

During today's poo-patrol, the people from the next-door flat came outside while I was cleaning off the poo from my boot (one of the poos had snuck up behind me while I wasn't paying attention). They all stared at me (the people, not the poo). I wasn't in the mood to explain what I was doing so I ignored them and kept scraping. I hoped they weren't offended. I hoped they'd figure it out since I'd just been in front of their flat, in the dirt, with a pooper-scooper, and they know I have a cat. But what if they didn't work it out. They're recently from India - maybe they don't have pooper-scooper's in India. They probably think I'm peculiar and unsociable (which I am, but I try hard to hide this from people). I guess the main thing is that they no longer have cat-poo in their garden and won't have to experience the horror of scraping Willow's most foul excretion from their boots (what the hell have I been feeding her! - usually I can cope with her poo but some of the poo today was hideous).