Or is it me?

A few weeks ago this is what I thought (Banalities from my life):

-I keep finding myself attracted to men with idealistic views of romantic love

-I keep finding myself attracted to men who won’t get involved in romantic love because they don’t want their idealism shattered

I'm wondering if maybe I was a little harsh with my comments. There could be other reasons for someone not wanting to get involved with me. They could be busy. They could be involved with someone else. Maybe they're not comfortable with my strange ways (hell, sometimes I'm not comfortable with my strange ways). I guess it's possible, though extremely unlikely, that I'm not as gorgeous as I've always led myself to believe.

But something that's been playing around (huh?) in my mind is this: maybe I'm a little idealistic about smoochy love myself. I certainly was in my 20's. I was somewhat fickle. I wasn't a stayer (or a slayer). I tended to rush into relationships, then rush right back out when things weren't working. Although, I think the problem was more the rushing in - being all starry-eyed and believing in 'magic' (not that I was hexing people, my powers weren't that strong back then - I mean the whole: "she/he is the one, la, la, la, I'm sooo happy now"). And there was some level of peer-conformity pressure going on; people around me were all paired up, especially the females, and some of my friends were married by their mid-twenties. I could barely feed myself in my mid-twenties, let alone work out what qualities were important to me in a partner. And what qualities were important to me in me.

But now, at 41, resplendent with many grey hairs, dodgy knees and exciting middle-aged skin, I should be wise and knowledgeable about everything, especially lurv. My eyes shouldn't be drifting into starriness...or, at least, only rarely drifting into starriness (I think some starriness every now and again is good for the soul; just be careful not to damage your retina).

And, in honour of starriness, here is a picture of a moderately famous painting called "Starry Night" by Vincent van Gogh - with spectacularly hallucinogenic stars, which will definitely damage your retina (but in a good way):





Karamazov count: pg 52 (I'm actually reading 2 pages every day, as it's easier to start at the top of the left-hand page each time - so my revised total length of time to finish the book is now 446 days or 1.22 years)