Banalities from my Life: Home, Work, Love and Karamazov

I hope my new neighbours in the front flat stay for awhile. The last tenants/ssssss kept changing every few months, eventually numbering about 15 people over a year. They were nice an’ all, but I found it unsettling not knowing who was living right next door to me (our front doors are very close – they’re practically married).

I’m inappropriately lusting after my married neighbour (speaking of married), who lives (with his wife!) in one of the flats on the other side of the building. My bouts of lust are sporadic. I only get to see him if I catch him putting clothes on the line or when he takes his bike out for a ride.

I live in a square block of 4 flats, 2 facing north and 2 facing south. I don’t see the people on the south side very often, but I can hear the people with whom I share a corridor wall. They are a family consisting of: one 40-something mother, one 20-something daughter, occasionally her identical twin sister, often the 20-something’s passionate, but obnoxious, boyfriend and another, pre-teen, daughter. And a pug-dog. In a compact 2-bedroom flat. And they fight a lot. All of them. Loudly and with bad words. Even the dog. I haven’t watched the Australian show “Packed to the Rafters”, but a much better and more realistic show would be one based on my neighbours.

The pre-teen daughter (I think she’s 10 or 11) tries to play with my cat. It would be nice if my cat would play with her, instead of running away – my cat is a little neurotic (much like her owner).

Sometimes, when I’m at work, I feel claustrophobic and experience a strong desire to run away.

Sometimes, when I’m at work, I’m bored shitless and feel a strong desire to run away and find something meaningful.

Sometimes, when I’m at work, I enjoy being bored and not having to run away or to think about meaningful things.

I keep finding myself attracted to men with idealistic views of romantic love

I keep finding myself attracted to men who won’t get involved in romantic love because they don’t want their idealism shattered.

I’m comfortable being on my own – this doesn’t make me evil – it does, however, make me a weird loner.

My maniacal plans for the destruction of planet earth are what make me evil.

I used to be sad that I didn’t have children. Now I’m slightly relieved:
-I don’t have the HUGE responsibility,
-I don’t have to worry that I’ve brought children into a world that seems to be racing into destruction (even without my maniacal plans),
-I don’t have to follow societies' “rules” quite so much,
-My attitude to this world is radically different, and much more comfortable, to what it was when I wanted children (although this may have alienated me from some people/friends)
-I have more time to work on my maniacal plans

My internal flame isn’t warming me the way it used to, it’s beginning to flicker and fade. I think it needs a new wick.

Karamazov count: page 16 - ahead of schedule - bonus.