Haunted Rocking Chair

After a lifetime (so far) of viewing horror movies and reading horror stories, I have come to believe that rocking chairs have an inherent metaphysical tendency. As such, rocking chairs are extremely susceptible to being both possessed, and sat upon, by ghostly entities and other spectral beings.

I think there are 3 main reasons rocking chairs lend themselves to such eerie paranormality:
1. They have a propensity to rock unaided
2. They have a ye olde aura
3. They were invented by demons (not verified)

Given all this, it would seem a reasonable thing for a person who didn't want to be haunted to not keep a rocking chair in her home. Not me! Behold my rocking chair (with spooky apparition sitting upon it):

Mostly my rocking chair is quite dormant and will only rock when an obvious force is acting upon it, e.g. my sitting on it. But lately, and after having watched quite a few spooky movies and TV shows in the last couple of months, it appears to me that my rocking chair may, in fact, be sentient. Sometimes, when my back is turned, I can sense that the chair is rocking - or even creeping towards me - but when I look over my shoulder, it is still and in its original position. So I cannot be positive that my rocking chair is actually haunted, unless the chair does something overtly supernatural or I get a psychic to come over and evaluate the chair.

In situations as dire as this, I feel it is best to err on the side of caution. Hence, I have decided to assume that my rocking chair is, indeed, haunted, and so I have taken necessary action to prevent the occurrence of any otherworldly rocking chair shenanigans:

Filler New Year Blog Post

As is mandatory for 21st Century blogging, I am writing a blog post to usher in the New Year. However, as I cannot be arsed to think about anything, let alone write about anything, I am forced, instead, to submit this filler blog post. It will have to suffice, despite not containing any of the regular references to hopes/dreams/goals etc. for the upcoming year, nor deconstruction of hopes/dreams/goals etc. from the previous year. Nope. Nada. Nein.
In fact, this blog post refuses not only to not reference anything, but to not say anything at all - except for what has already been written, which wasn't very much or very meaningful or very interesting - and it does not take issue with any overuse of the word 'not', even when too much 'not' not only does not contribute to furthering the comprehension of a sentence, but actually increases the convolution of an already convoluted sentence (or, as is now the case, paragraph).