...(he's a real fucking asshole)". I'm An Asshole, Denis Leary.
(Just to clarify, I'm not saying that Denis Leary is an asshole, though he may well be, I'm referring to the title of his catchy and inspiring 1994 song).
"I'm an Asshole" is the song that 'plays' in my head whenever I think about my neighbour (my neighbour being the asshole of the song title) with whom I have to share a driveway. (See here for other blog posts relating to this asshole-neighbour phenomena). I've codenamed my neighbour, Cruella, or Planet Cruella (as she seems to believe she is inhabiting her very own planet).
However, the intention of this blog post is not to snark vitriolically about Cruella - as much as I would derive much pleasure from such a task ('cos maybe there's a bit of asshole in me, too). In fact, and conversely, living next door to Cruella has forced me to consider the implications and tribulations of the expectation to "love thy neighbour". Gah!
[Obviously, I can try to avoid and ignore Cruella, which I am mostly able to do, but as we live in the same driveway (it's just our two flats) and our front doors are 4.5 meters apart (I measured), and she and her partner are VERY LOUD people, complete avoidance/ignoring isn't always possible.]
So, given that she is in my 'sphere', and at times, has aggressively protruded herself into my sphere, I feel compelled to form a judgement about her. But what judgement? Is it really necessary (morally, practically) to try to see the good in people? How much latitude is reasonable when focusing on a person's positives and overlooking their negatives, before giving in and screaming: Asshole!?
Planet C has certainly presented me with a challenge. I want to be someone who is sympathetic and empathic, who sees the beauty in others, but I also want to smack Planet C in the head (not always, but often enough).
I feel some degree of 'motherly' concern for her - I don't know why, possibly because I'm somewhat older than her and I don't have children of my own to worry about - and I can see that her attitudes and actions are more likely to get her into trouble than to get her what she wants (or thinks she wants). But, equally, she's not a (petulant) teenager anymore, despite behaving like one (she's actually in her early thirties).
I know some things about her (which I know because she talks VERY LOUDLY on her phone while she's having a cigarette in the driveway, right next to my flat). I know she grew up in a large family - maybe her siblings were boisterous and competitive, and she always felt overlooked, so she developed a toxically self-centered and hostile persona as a way to cope. I know she very much wants to get married and have children but, so far, her partner seems to be resisting these commitments, which is making her even more volatile. But plenty of people want children and marriage (or some kind of romantic security) who don't get these things; there's no guarantee, there's no human right. And, realistically, I worry how Planet C would cope if she did have a baby; it could make or break her. She can't be having one of her tantrums when it's 3am and her baby is hungry and sick (and probably covered in sick) and its diaper seriously needs to be changed, and this is the 5th night in a row of this; she'll need to harden up and deal with it. I think someone as entitled and immature as Planet C might struggle with the challenges of motherhood.
I accept that there are myriad life circumstances, unknown to others, that may explain some asshole behaviour - though not necessarily justify it. And I try to believe that everyone has a likable side - not only because society says I should. But I don't think, for the foreseeable future, Planet Cruella is someone that I'll be able to like; if she has redeeming qualities, she keeps them very well hidden. I don't wish ill upon her; if she were having a medical emergency, I would call an ambulance - though I probably wouldn't inquire afterwards as to how she was doing. And while I can't bring myself to wish that she has happiness in her life - Planet C doesn't seem to give a flying damn about other people's happiness - I don't wish that she doesn't have happiness. She's not evil, but she is frequently annoying, sometimes obnoxious, and it doesn't help in the quest to like her that she has a (VERY LOUD) laugh that possesses the essence of a cackle.
